Put Yourself to Bedlam

“A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of creation.” ~ Nietzsche

It's late and it's Friday night and I spent the day between art and starting the rest of my seeds.

Even God rested on the 7th day and this is my 21st so here's my note:

MR DEITY AND THE EVIL

Have mercy on me.
XXKHT

Birthdays Today: Matthew Broderick (46!); Rosie O'Donnell (46!); Gary "Scary" Oldman (50); Johann Sebastian Bach (323)

“I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it” ~ Albert Einstein

NASA has compiled a list of 181 things to do if you ever find yourself on the moon. Their list is amazingly boring, so I compiled a few of my own so as to avoid space boredom:

1. Create a zero gravity recipe for Duck A L'orange  using Tang and dehydrated duck breast
2. Play some Michael Jackson and literally moon walk
3. Try to jump over the lunar module.
4. Masturbate (wonder what it's like in Zero G?)
5. Phone home
6. Go crater tubing
7. Sleep in
8. Remove the earth from blocking your view of Mars with a Uranium Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
9. Youtube
10. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Happy Full Moon Lunacy!
XXKHT

B'day Roll: Holly Hunter (50); Spike Lee (51); William "Altered States" Hurt (58); Hal "Barney Miller" Linden (77); Mr. Fred "Won't you be my neighbor" Rogers (80); Carl "Can you believe he's older than Mr. Rogers?" Reiner (86); Ozzie Nelson (102); B.F. Skinner (104)

"So here I, lowering my toes in similar to timid waters of the Internet dating" ~ Michael

This showed up in my Myspace messages last month! I just discovered it. I hope he's not still waiting for my lovely responds!

(I've highlighted favorite passages in red)

am Micheal Williams by name.. I am from williamsport,Pa,(Usa).. I am 48 years of age...How was your day been today?.Its really nice looking at your profile..I saw your profile on here and i was really hooked up and would love to get to know you ......I am an Engineering,Well for now i working in Nigeria,This my second Month here,I came to fixed an electronics machines for a new company enstablished here,i have few day to be thru here,well i have been single for 5yrs and got 1 kid he live with me Full time.

You sound like a very nice woman...Are you single?..Are you looking to meet?...Where are you right now?....Your favourite activities?...May be i am asking too much but the fact is that i would really love to know more about you..I am divorced man with a 7 years of age son..He s jeff by name..I have been divorced for 5 years now...a cruel word may wreck a life.....I am a man with values and Principle's. I very much care, love, gentle and sweet. I estimate value of loyalty and honesty, and I was increase with good values of family. I have good scence of humour. I love dogs. I have the big love and fidelity in my heart to give fine to the woman which wants to, I am a man without the complications formed, cultural, and I believe, that sincerity and honesty - one of my biggest qualities. ....I - not that naive expectation my soul mate to come across on this structure, lose his head and any common sense, and have " happily ever after " with me.... However I - a little from romantic, both sometimes the dreamer, and certainly the woman (hence any common sense in genera)....So here I, lowering my toes in similar to timid waters of the Internet dating. For the last 5 years I was through a pain, the chosen loneliness and it is a little dates without the future. I have arrived to essence, that I very much want a steady life of love again. I like to have steady, loving warm attitudes where you can trust the person with your most expensive secrets. It is impossible to describe here ideal attitudes.. .... It morning time we can take cofees together before work, occasional the reference by phone within day to make sure, that you - it is good, evening suppers before TV, long excursions when you do not speak very much with each other, but silently agree, that the world - a beautiful place... Warm embrace and a passionate kiss, sensitive contact, a sight.... Dispute on anything or the big struggle on the big problems.... The same directions on long trip of a life and mutual understanding, that sometimes it not necessary to take detour... The Promise, that everyone will stand in the party(side) for ever. Tolerance. Kindness. Decency. Love I am one of those good guy, which are given birth to have family, and I pass affinity and affinity, which love brings. Only..., it would be good to have the captain! If you think, that you have heart of a sea lion and not afraid of the avaricious concealed feelings, Why cant you try and give me a chance and let see what will happened...I never thought about this internet dating before but i had to give my self a chance again...being lonely is not a good thing....I would really love to hear from you...meeting you will be nice...But we have to start from somewhere first and that s communication...I will be here waiting patiently for your lovely responds...Take care and enjoy this world......Here s my personal email address,,,...micheal_0009@yahoo.co.uk or micheal_0009@hotmail.com ....Hope to hear from you soon...

micheal

I might as well have turned the whole thing red.
Oh Michael...if only I had the heart of sea lions...
XXKHT

Birthdays omitted from yesterday 18 March (because any post would have killed the point): F.W. "end apartheid" deKlerk (72); Peter "This tape will self destruct" Graves (82); Edward Everett "Fractured Fairy Tales" Horton (122); Grover Cleveland (171)

and for March 19th: Bruce Willis (52); Glenn Close (60); Wyatt Earp (159)

"What I don't want to do is go out there and not be able to mean it, you know?" ~ Henry Rollins

Boulevard of Stagnant Minds

Recently we went to visit our garden friends to exchange the seeds we cooperatively purchased. They don't live far away, but we'd only been to their house once before and we needed fresh directions.

Burlington has a crossroads that is literally North Street crossing over North Avenue. Rob says North Street was there first. I'm thinking, "What? Did they run out of names or something?!"

That got me to thinking about a list of names that are better than North Ave. Here ya go...

Some pretty ones to start:

1. Painted Pony Way
2. Snowflake Boulevard
3. Andalusia Avenue
4. Cultural Thruway
5. Long and Winding Road

Now here're some that are more practical to the area:

1. Ethnic Grocery Store Place
2. Subsidized Housing Route
3. Woodchuck Way
4. Baby Daddy Boulevard
5. Domestic Violence Memorial Ave

The trouble is, bureaucrats have no imagination.

XXKHT

Burthdays:  Rob Lowe (44); Kurt Russell (57);  Rudolf Nureyev (70); Nat "King" Cole (89); Shemp "Poke in the Eye" Howard (113)

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Good News Everyone!
I took this blog's reading level test....

Movie Reviews

Well, it wasn't actually a test, in that there doesn't seem to be any criteria for the result, or at least any information posted about it.

I decided to investigate further. If you remove the "/bb/reading_level.aspx" of the URL link, it takes you here: Critics Rant a site that covers such intellectual subjects as Britney Spears, American Idol and whether the studios will make another Rambo movie (Sly says "no"). Let's just say, I didn't notice any Mensa buttons in the sidebar.

Then I tried it with some other blogs to see how they compare. The two "who shall not be named" on the PYtB Blogroll that I think are the smartest came up "High School". My other blog, The Life of A Garden, scored "Junior HS."

Well, I'm stumped. I can't imagine what they consider smart enough. Actually, I can imagine, because the site I found the silly thing on was considered "Genius," and come to think of it, it is.

Mysterious mysteries abound,

XXKHT

(maybe they mean "elementary" in the Sherlock Holmes sense - as in basic logic...yeah, that's it)

Birthdays today: Bernardo "Last Tango" Bertolucci (68); Jerry Lewis (82); Henny "Take My Wife, Please" Youngman (102); James Madison (257)

"Beware the Ides of March"

Bad Deaths and other mishaps: The first three individual accounts are jacked in their entirety from "How Not to Die - The Worst Deaths in History"...followed by my particular individual favorites and historical disasters I've chosen based on my own fear factors...

1. Jerome Irving Rodale:  Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation. How he died:  On the Dick Cavett Show, while discussing the benefits of organic foods. Details:  Rodale, who bragged, "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver, "was only 72 when he appeared on the Dick Cavett Show in January 1971.  Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair.  Cause of death: Heart attack.  The show was never aired.
2. Aeschylus:  A Greek playwright back in 500 BC.  Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies. How he died:  An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head. Details:  According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks.  An eagle mistook Aeschylus' [bald] head for a rock and dropped it on him instead.
3. Jim Fixx:  Author of the best selling, Complete Book of Running, which started the jogging craze of the 1970's.How he died:  A heart attack... while jogging. Details:  Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked out of his house and began jogging.  He'd only gone a short distance when he had a massive coronary.  His autopsy revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged, another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked... and that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior to his death.
4. Bloody Mary Queen of Scots - excerpted and paraphrased from A Treasury of Royal Scandals by M Farquhar - Details: After Queen Elizabeth reluctantly signed her cousin's death warrant, events moved quickly. None of her counselors wanted teh English queen, who despaired at the idea of executing a fellow monarch, to suddenly change her mind as she often did. On the morning of Feb 8, 1587, Mary Queen of Scots was led into the Great Hall of Fotheringhay Castle. Eyes straight ahead, back rigid, and head held high, she paused at the foot of the steps leading to the black-draped scaffod upon which she was to die....Reaching the platform, the forty-four-year-old queen was directed to sit in a chair as the warrant of her execution was read aloud...after refusing to denounce her faith, forgiving the executioner and while praying quietly in latin, her disrobing revealed a vibrant crimson undergarment. They removed her veil and headdress and blindfolded her then led her to kneel in front of the block. The executioner brought the axe down with a loud "Thwack" A groan was heard from the victim as the executioner realized that he had missed her neck and grazed the side of her head instead. "Sweet Jesus" she was heard to mutter before the axe was lifted again. This time it nearly severed neck from body. Angry and exasperated, the executioner sawed through the remaining flesh. The head rolled away, whilethe body fell on it's back, gushing blood. "God save Queen Elizabeth," the executioner shouted as he grasped the severed head by the hair and raised it to the crowd. Suddenly, it fell and rolled away, leaving in his hand, only a red wig. Onlookers gasped, seeing the gray haired head, suddenly old, facing them, lips still moving. The executioner then lifted the queen's dress to remove her garters, his time honored prerogative, but was startled as a small dog emerged from the folds. Mary's pet, Geddon, had been hidden in the dress. The little dog rushed to the corpse and circled confused and distraught, then began to howl.
5. The Legendary clan of Sawney Bean: When I was a child, my father had a collection of antique books called the Newgate Calendar. Newgate is a prison in London and the books were an anthology England's most infamous criminals. It was in these books I first learned of the legendary Sawney Bean - pater familia of a huge clan of cave dwelling cannibals from Galloway who were caught during a botched abduction and executed without trial thusly: the men had their genitalia cut off, hands and feet severed and were allowed to bleed to death, and the women and children, after watching the men die, were burned alive. That'll teach em.
6. Pope Formosos*: Not so much a bad death but rather a bad after death, Pope F was ordered dug out of his grave by nutty Pope Stephen VIII who presided over the trial in what was to become known as the Cadaver Synod. Pope F's rotting corpse was propped up on the throne in full papal vestments while Pope S shouted questions at it. Pope S found Pope F guilty as charged and ordered all of his ordinations declared null and void. He then had Pope Fs three fingers from his right hand hacked off and his body was tossed into the Tiber River, which was later fished out and given a decent burial. Some time later Pope Sergius in an effort to reaffirm the decrees of the Cadaver Synod again had Pope F's body exhumed and beheaded. Good thing he wasn't feelin' a thing.
7. Elvis Presley: Obese and dreadfully addicted to pills, the King of Rock and Roll was found kneeling in front of the toilet with his face on the skanky bathroom carpet dead of a drug overdose due to bad drug combinations. I've often wondered how people could imagine that his death was faked, because one may assume he'd have staged a better scenario than dying face first on the bathroom floor. As one comedian I remember said, "If it were him, he'd have gone out saving orphans or something."
8. The remainder of the 150,000 Citizens of Hiroshima and Nagasaki who weren't vaporized in an instant on 8/6 & 8/9/1945 but who died of radiation burns and cancers and birth defects etc within months or a few years of the event.
9. The 75 million people who died of Black Death or Black Plague, more formally known as Bubonic Plague which was spread by the fleas on rats and causes bleeding into the skin and other organs, causing possible symptoms of a red/black patchy rash and haemoptysis. There are bite-like bumps on the skin, commonly red and sometimes white in the center. Untreated, septicemic plague was universally fatal until the discovery of antibiotics altered the odds of death to between 4 and 15%.
10. Fill in the blank (preferably not personally)

Et tu Brute?

XXKHT

"Caesar. The ides of March are come.
Soothsayer. Ay, Caesar; but not gone."

Birthday Shouts: Fabio (46); Sly Stone (63); Judd Hirsch (72); Andrew Jackson (240)

*more paraphrased from M. Farquhar's A Treasury of Royal Scandals

“All things, oh priests, are on fire . . . The eye is on fire; forms are on fire; eye-consciousness is on fire; impressions received by the eye are on fire.” ~ Buddha

This is one of the most impressive things I've ever found on the net. The photo, the story, the presentation.

Lessons from a Sheep Farm - by David Perry

Awed,
XXKHT

Happy Birthday Albert Einstein (129)

The Mind is a Terrible Thing To Waste

It's been all but impossible to put together a blog today that is relevant to anything at all.

Here are some reasons why:

1. First I posted a whole big thing on my other blog about registering in time for the community garden etc: 13 March TLoAG
2. Then I wrote these guys and those guys and asked them to hyperlink the new blog
3. I spent some time absorbed in vblogs from Black Box Voting dot Org like this one:  Bad Officials, Bad Bad!  and Bad Officials, Bad, Bad BAAD! II and then What is With Those Ripped Open Ballot Boxes Already?!?
4. Next, my friend Jess came over and we brainstormed her new North End Naturals facial scrubs she's going to try to market locally.
5. I did THIS CROSSWORD in a little over 7 minutes (and still it took all day!):
6. I baked bread (kind of a cheater excuse because I do that every day now)
7. I used my new trick of taking screenshots to brag about my 7 minute Xword success! (did I mention 7 minutes? You try it!)
8. Then, I lurked in other people's gardening blogs and discovered this fascinating article about Geo Washington's Gardener: George Washington's Gardener Slept Here

So that's why (deep inhale) coupled with my ADD (deep exhale) that I have nothing truly relevant or cogent to blog about today.

Oh wellski....sometimes you git what you git.
XXKHT

Famous People Born on March 13: Dana "Kick Ass Nurse on China Beach" Delany (52); William H Macy (58); William "Big Fat CIA Contra Scandal Lying Sonofabitch" Casey (95) and finally, L. Ron "It WAS A SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL PEOPLE!" Hubbard (97)

Cart Imitating Life

Today's list contains but one video: The Cart Whisperer

Bwaahahahahaha! Thanks dude. I needed that.
XXKHT

B'day's are inevitable: "Sweet Baby" James Taylor (60); Liza "Waay Too Much Makeup" Minelli (62); Al Jarreau (68); Barbara "Agent 99" Feldon (76!!); Edward "I'm Afraid of Virginia Wolfe" Albee (80); Jack "That's not writing it's typing.." Kerouac (86!)

p.s. just be thankful I didn't post a lecture on CAFOs complete with cow torture video...but tomorrow's another day.