So, maybe a few of my regular readers have noticed some nasty comments recently by someone called "Kim."
I feel the situation deserves and explanation at this point.
"Kim*" is actually Patsy Ittner of St. Augustine Florida. She is my birth mother. She is a sociopath and she hates me. Why you ask? I really couldn't say, except to posit that she is sick in her head, and full of hatred. Most of what she accuses me of is exactly what she has done to me, and not vice versa.
I'm ok with it. It's not fun, but it is what it is. Lots of people have mentally ill people in their family and it can be embarrasing and painful, but for the most part, I've moved on and away from it. It doesn't even really upset me anymore, though for much of my younger life it was extremely hard.
It's been 19 years since we've spoken directly, except for one nasty phone call over ten years ago, followed by a threatening phone call to my 80+ year old grandmother (father's mother), and another to my father swearing to make their lives miserable if I didn't leave her alone. The whole thing started when I tried to call to talk to my little brother and try to make up with her on some level for his sake. She went nuts (more than usual).
Now she's in a tizzy because I mentioned her in a post this winter while I was in a blue period waiting for the cold to let up. Here is a link to that post to which she's responded with the following viscera:
Comment:
You
are so evil. someone directed me to the post where you tried to hurt my
business. i pity you but not enough to feel sorry for you. you are an
abortion interrupted.
followed by:
ViewSaturday, July 12, 2008 12:06:31 PM
You are none of what you say you are. You are so evil, it makes me vomit to think you exist. Why won't you leave me alone? Don't you understand that to hurt someone is to leave them alone. It drives them crazy. It has driven you crazy, but like a cancer you keep coming back, again and again and again. You will never find peace unless you begin to love yourself. Your hate permeates everything about your life, and your blog, and that's why no one will stay with you. Continue to prostitute yourself this way and you will die from the inside out. Who are you? If you are alone, like you say, and are so miserable, get counseling. But leave me alone. I don't know you. You don't know me. The shear notion that I am you mother is a figment of your imagination. I am not. I never was. Continuing to do this is stalking. Trying to hurt someone's business by lying is a felony with malicious intent. Don't push me one inch further, or you will regret it. And find yourself a real family. I'm not your mother. Not now, not then, not ever.
and then:
ViewSaturday, July 12, 2008 12:31:06 PM
I'm giving you one day to take the name of that company off your blog, or I promise I will come to Vermont, find you, and let the chips fall where they may. I have the money Kim. I have the motivation. I will match you in your hatred, and I'm ready for you now. Remove this blog. You have 24 hours, or expect to see me at your doorstep.
followed by a letter from her husband:
ViewSaturday, July 12, 2008 5:43:38 PM
I wrote him back and apologized for naming his company and removed the name of the company, but I'm refusing to remove the comment about her, because, this is my place to express myself, she is my mother, she has been cruel to me, and if I want to blog about it, I will.
I wrote back to her that night as well. Here is the letter:
VSaturday, July 12, 2008 4:37:43 PM
You're the one that can't let it go. No one to persecute is clearly driving YOU crazy.
The best part about this is...I don't even hate you although I used to. I can't help but be disgusted with you though, especially with the knowledge that you haven't a single instance to stand on in regards to me. You're the bad person with no love and zero maternal instincts.
My children and I have a great relationship. My daughter is my best friend = which is something you've never had, except when I was an innocent child and I hadn't learned yet that it was your insanity, not my lack of worth that was at fault in our relationship.
My life has come to be so much richer without you. I am an increasingly successful artist with amazing friends and family. As for being alone, I'm the one who keeps moving on when people don't treat me with respect or I need more peace and that is another gift you gave to me inadvertently - the ability to say no to abuse or lack of empathy and move on. You taught me it isn't worth it. You can only change yourself. And at least I don't threaten my lovers with financial ruin to force them to stay.
I am also incredibly lucky to have your sister Brande in my life. She's everything a loving mother should or could ever be and we're bonded deeply. We're creative, kind, talented and resourceful (no matter what you're envious malicious mind has conjured to the contrary). We speak almost every day and she's genuinely supportive and interested in my health and well being. We visit regularly and she never misses my art shows - taking the time to drive up and show her love. It's a pity that our first common bond was your abuse; but in the end, we've profited far more in love and kinship than your selfish, destructive behavior has managed to damage.
Compare that to taking your son to juvenile hall after luring him out of school with the lie that his grandmother died. Yes, Dudley told me that story and many many others, and I shared my own with him. I admit, I went through a period of hatred towards you after listening to his stories. You are truly incredible. You have no boundaries. No limits. No empathy at all. You're vicious to your own offspring. You're the broken animal that cannot bond.
I'm so glad we got to spend Dudley's last Christmas on earth in Vermont with my kids and for one of the first times, you barely came up at all. He was well on his way to letting you go and I'm sorry he never made it that far so that he could have enjoyed some last moments of peace without the burden of your manipulation up until the end. At least he didn't spend his last Christmas hitchhiking to the airport after you kicked him out on Xmas day. He would have been crazy to go on that cruise with you, because you would have had a bitch of a time kicking him off of that.
I believe Dudley and I more than any other people you've met, had your number 100% and that's what you really hate about us (especially me). It's that we rejected you that you're so miserable, because after people give up on you, you can't hurt them anymore. We'd both turned our backs and you have to live with it forever - alone, without any familial love. Everyone despises you. Some fear you. But not me mom, that's what really gets you, isn't it?
Dudley and I had many long talks about how he only dealt with you at all because you bribed him. It's truly sad that you completely failed to notice that both of your children are/were dynamic, intelligent and beautiful and so you squandered it all with your complete selfishness and meanness.
My last lingering difficulty is the complete horror of knowing that I came out of you. It doesn't make sense. How could you be my mother? Whether either of us likes it or not, that's the way it is. So you keep it up. Let it consume you. I'm going to forget about this five minutes from now as I sit on the porch with my best good girlfriend and speak of the garden and the beautiful day in peace and safety far away from you in every way.
Don't bother to write back. This is all the casting of my pearls I plan to offer on this subject. I won't even read what you write and I'll delete every comment on my blog, so have at it if you want to, but it won't do me any harm. And as far as resources go, Brande has a million times your resources and if you continue to threaten physical harm, we may have to have to look into having you committed for the safety of everyone.
K
Today, I came home from work to find these comments here at PYtB:
A new comment from “kim” was received on the post “"To see the Summer Sky is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie - True Poems flee." ~ Emily Dickenson” of the weblog “Put Yourself to Bedlam”.
Comment:
Is
this the daughter you deserted? Or is this the child you beat beside
the car in Hollywood Maryland. You are a human turd, unworthy of being
seen or heard on any blog. You are a pathological liar, a whore, and I
have recently heard, smell like shit. Prepare yourself for an onslaught
of similarly vile tirades because I am smarter, have more energy, and
will never stop until you go away.
A new comment from “kim” was received on the post “"To see the Summer Sky is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie - True Poems flee." ~ Emily Dickenson” of the weblog “Put Yourself to Bedlam”.
Comment:
Remove your shit from Google
or I will be doing this every day. I will find others to do this for
me. You are a liar, I can prove. You beat your children, I can prove.
You are a whore, I can prove. And you are shit, therefore, you smell
like shit, someone else says they can prove. You better fix this soon.
and this:
A new comment from “kim” was received on the post “"If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me" ~ Jimmy Buffett” of the weblog “Put Yourself to Bedlam”.
Comment:
Kimberly
Hannaman Taylor is a vile liar and evil human being. Everything in this
blog is full of the filth that is within her. She once said she saw
demons. Now she has become one. Fear her. Avoid her.
and lastly, this:
A new comment from “kim” was received on the post “Racism is man's gravest threat to man - the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason.” --Abraham J. Heschel” of the weblog “Put Yourself to Bedlam”.
Comment:
She is a racist. She hates white people. She only lays with blacks. Ask her children.
I hate to air the dirty laundry like this, but then again, I believe the truth sets you free. I may lose my blog over this. I don't really care. I'll start a new one, because I don't give in to bullies. Especially not her. She doesn't deserve anonymity.
In addition to the above viscera, she's called my children niggers. She's told people I died when I was a little girl. She kept me from my little brother for 18 years, and thankfully we had a decent relationship before he passed away almost two years ago. It all works out in the end. She's the one who's a loser in every way on every day.
The only thing she is right about is that I am an abortion interrupted. She might have died with a coat hanger because abortion was illegal when I was born. It's the best argument to keep abortion legal, as far as I'm concerned. No one should have to suffer this much hatred simply for being born.
It is what it is. Sad for everyone.
XXKHT
Unfortunately, comments will now have to be moderated. It's ironic that the first time I've ever been cyber harassed is by my mother dearest.
*She used her sisters name and email address.
Update 7/14: Last night, Patsy called umpteen family members including her sisters, my father, my father's brother, and then me at 5:45 a.m. She told my father's brother's wife that he needed to call me and nothing else, leaving them with the impression (for however long) that something terrible had happened to me. She also wrote to my uncle and phoned him many times today at his business.
She also left 6 or 7 comments at my photography site saying that I am "a prostitute" a "nigger lover" and that I sleep with married men. She also said I "smell like shit" am "a piece of shit" and that I "have the skin of a seventy year old, obviously from years of drug abuse." She went on to say that no man would ever love me."
I also received another email from her husband and a phone message from her saying that I am a miserable, lonely person that is like the character in Play Misty for me.
You be the judge.
Kimberly, you are the best and I am glad you are here with us and not her......!! RP
Posted by: Phil | 13 July 2008 at 06:30 PM
Be strong, Kimberley. Summon up all of your fortitude and shake off the rot. You are a rock. Divert yourself. You embody joy, and you create beauty, in art and life. Strength, darling.
Posted by: Paledave | 13 July 2008 at 09:00 PM
It's a shame that anyone must undergo such malevalent and misdirected energy. It takes a very thick skin not to be affected. Such energy is a drain on us, depletes all that is good. I hope you can purify the air around you and go about the rest of your day in joy.
Posted by: Kip de Moll | 13 July 2008 at 10:03 PM
I have a mother who is manipulative and malevalent. She, however, presents as a perfect angel. She is able to convince others to remove love and support from me.
She once said, "They know I am a saint now. You, they think, are a crazy vicious bitch." "It is much better for you to look crazy than for me to look like a bad mother."
She went so far as to return to my father's death bed after a 26 year seperation and look like she was caring for him. She told me that "other things" happened when no one was there. I can only imagine.
Enough for me. No more contact!
It takes so long to beleive some one you love would hurt you like that.
Hold your truth and love yourself. Mothers like this exist and harm us to the core.
I am a good mother with successful children despite my "fairy princess mother". I send you caring mother energy that she did not.
Love
Patricia
Posted by: patricia | 18 August 2008 at 03:43 PM
Well, i think that my mother too is a "fairy princess,"... isn't it strange that I am attracted to men who are "fairy princes" has anyone else found themselves attracted to male socio's?
Posted by: kathi | 15 September 2008 at 12:04 PM
She is REALLY A crazy BITCH who LIES and we too have experienced this first hand from the point of a business adventure. She lies, steals and should be in jail.
Posted by: Someone who knows about Patsy Ittner | 28 September 2008 at 01:52 PM
Isn't is sad our OWN mothers are so ill? After reading everything I could about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I had to finally conclude my mother is a sociopath for she goes so far beyond the usual definition of NPD. Too, commenting on Patricia's Aug 18, post: I too had to finally realize that given being loved by someone "normal" without N or sociopath issues was so alien to me that I kept choosing horrible men who behaved just as my family did because I was caught up in the familiarity of it all. Finally, at age 51, I am FREE of my old behaviors and ready to enjoy life to its fullest, and it's about time. Now, when I meet people caught up in N or S relationships, I think, "thank God I awoke from my living nightmare and am ready to be self-aware before it's too late to have a nice life." Goodluck to you, Kim, and all of us for the courage to face the facts of life. Best regards, Cynthia
Posted by: Cynthia Hoffman | 23 October 2008 at 02:34 AM
it is tough and I know exactly where you are comming from, mu mother told lies & played my sisters & I off against each other for years, insitgated physical violance between us & beat us. She would insite my father when drunk to beat us too. as an adult I tried to understand her but recently she has accused me of hitting her attempted to get a sister to hit me, she makes malicious phone calls & texts - yesterday I told her to p*** off I have had enough, I dont need this evil wonan in my life making me feel bad - I am successful, have a happy marriage an am building a relationship with my sisters for the first time in 30 years and she hates it.
Posted by: Anne | 24 October 2008 at 07:43 AM
I feel for you... I am just now dealing with a mother who we are trying to determine whether or not she is a sociopath. This determination is NOT a professional one, as she does not think she has any problems. After several nasty emails to me the last 2 days, including one that she told me she would "see me in hell", she called tonight, crying wanting to reconcile. Needless to say, I have had a stomach ache ever since and don't know what to do....
L.
Posted by: L | 20 December 2009 at 02:18 AM
I think we could be sisters since my mother is also a sociopath.My heart goes out to you for all you have been through..I plan on putting my mother in the worst nursing home money can buy maybe they can be roommates
Posted by: angela | 06 January 2010 at 12:26 PM
Hey to everyone whose experienced this with their mother. I'm in the same situation with mine.
My advice is to stay strong inside and take everything said with a pinch of salt. Just keep reminding yourself, her actions are a reflection on her and not you.
I've given up on the arguments and instead I just hold my position. I know what she is and nothing she can say 'nice' or 'evil' can make any difference to what I know to be the truth. Once you accept this the rest is a little easier to deal with.
If she is a sociopath, she can't see reason in emotion and contacting her is buying into her game because that's all it will be to her. Good luck and hugs to you :)
Posted by: Mitch | 04 March 2010 at 11:02 PM
Thanks for your input Mitch.
I agree with you 100%. If you read through this, you will see why this had to go public.
Since we're on topic, it's still public because it seems to help people who are in similar situations. I think that's the best possible outcome for an otherwise useless situation.
Take care and stay strong.
XXKHT
Posted by: Artiface | 04 March 2010 at 11:31 PM
Thanks for taking the time to post everyone. Respect. You've all helped to make a difference in my life.
In return i'd like to share this little weapon i'm finding rather useful in my quest for emotional and mental balance (being the son of two APD's I'm well versed in the spider web of tendencies and patterns intertwining beneath this rotten illness).
Specifically, 'my weapon' is helping me with setting, resetting and maintaining healthy relationship boundaries.
Let me first clarify that i've no contact with either parents but unfortunatley have, along the way, surrounded myself with clowns that (up until now) like to take advantage of my disease to please etc and provide nothing worthy in return for my friendship and love.
I stumbled onto a great tool for me for 'cleaning house' and it seems to make these 'clowns' go away, instead of me avoiding phone calls etc I answer calls emails whatever but my secret weapon: AKA negative politenes, helps them get the 'off you go' vibe from me.
Clearly this has its application but man it's the business for cleaning house without any awkwardness down the track. True. They really do avoid me now. How good's this.
If cleaning house is something you need then Google it and check it out. If it helps someone else like it's helping me then brilliant.
I've printed loads of little examples to reference when needed.
A personal favourite is:
'you must forgive me but... (make this part about yourself not them they dead set hate it LOL)
Here is the link to the first site i found it on. Have fun with it and all the best.
http://www.softpanorama.org/Social/Toxic_managers/Communication/rules_of_verbal_self_defense.shtml
Posted by: Steven | 02 June 2010 at 11:46 AM